


Enough

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 02:16:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After finally wiping the Leviathans off the face of the Earth, Dean leaves Sam to go get Castiel. But when Castiel's condition remains unchanged, making bringing him back impossible, instead of leaving again, Dean checks himself in and becomes Cas's roommate. It's ages before anything happens, but slowly, Dean breaks through the haze Lucifer has around Cas until one day, Dean is able to look into the angel's eyes and actually see him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through [Summer's shipping feels tag](http//asabutterfields.tumblr.com/tagged/shipping_feels) and I got this idea from her idea that the pair holding hands was more special than sex and that Cas would be shocked from their first kiss and figured I might as well write it.

Though they still had yet to figure out how to permanently kill the Leviathans, it seemed the decapitation route was successful, particularly when they took Bobby's advice and encased the bodies in cement to keep them from ever finding the heads. Naturally, Sam and Dean left Dick Roman for last, wanting to draw out this last kill, not only for Bobby, but for themselves, for Frank, for Crowley, for Jody, for Castiel, and hell, even for themselves. They made sure he suffered, and once they were done with him, when his body was in a two ton block of concrete while his head was slowly sinking to the bottom of the Mississippi, they looked at each other and let out a breathless laugh. They were finally done. The Leviathans were gone. They'd done it, and surprisingly with little help, seeing as they'd lost Cas and Bobby early on and Garth...well, he was Garth.

Exhausted beyond belief, wanting nothing more than to go back to Rufus's old place and fight over who gets the couch and who gets the floor, they tumbled into the run-down van they'd stolen and drove back to Frank's to pick up the Impala. The grin on Dean's face was bigger than Sam had ever seen, and the relief that was visible on Sam's was more than Dean had seen even when they'd found their father alive and well way back when. When they reached Rufus's, Dean had a sudden thought, and as soon as Sam was out of the car, he gunned the engine and raced away.

The entire ride, Dean kicked himself mentally for taking so long to think of it, and ignored every one of Sam's phonecalls, knowing his brother would either drag him back or insist on helping, neither of which were options. This was Dean's battle, no matter how difficult it would be, no matter how much he may wish he had help, this was something he needed to do alone. Finally, he pulled up in front of the building, got out of the car, and raced to the room. He flung the door open, ignoring the cries of the people around him, and he felt something in him break at what he saw.

Castiel was sitting in the same position he'd been in when Dean and Sam had left him in the institution months ago. Realizing that he'd be dead were he still human, Dean felt an intense amount of gratitude toward God rush through him. Maybe he'd condemned his soldier to this fate, but at least he didn't kill him. Alive, Dean could try to fix him. Dead, he was just another loose end that Dean would spend his nights trying to drink out of his memory. With a shock, it clicked in Dean's mind that if he couldn't bring Castiel away with him, he could join him.

He turned on his heel and went straight to Meg, having her use her clout at the hospital to get him a room with Castiel, to have their therapy sessions together, et cetera. Dean would spend every waking hour with Cas if it meant he might be able to have his friend back someday. He just hadn't realized what he was signing up for when he committed himself.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


Naturally, Meg called Sam up two weeks later to let him know of Dean's idiotic plan. (" _It's not like it's working anyway, Deano. Come at me again and I'll shoot you so full of morphine Sam won't even have to **try**  to get you out of here._") Sam had come racing to the hospital, completely intending to bring his brother home with him, until he walked into Dean's room. Dean was sitting next to Cas on the bed, the fingers of his right hand entwined in Castiel's left, his head resting on the angel's shoulder, his breathing labored enough for Sam to know he was sleeping. He might not understand, he might not have as much hope in this situation as Dean did, but the only person Dean had ever taken care of like that before was Sam. And so he turned around and walked out, only stopping to tell Meg that she had to take care of them until Dean accomplished what he came to do, and to " _Please, call me if anything changes._ "

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


Three months into Dean's stay at the hospital with Castiel, he nearly fell off his bed. He'd heard his name. In Castiel's voice. Castiel said his name. Dean jumped out of his bed and went to Cas, grabbing his shoulders and looking him full in the face. " _Yes, Cas, yes, it's me. It's Dean, it's me, I'm here. Are you with me, man? Can you hear me?_ "

But Cas didn't respond. His eyes just glazed back over, and his mouth clamped shut. Dean's shoulders dropped slightly before he steeled himself. Some progress was better than none, and this was at least mildly promising. Even if it took another three months for Cas to speak again, Dean didn't care. He'd wait.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


He continued spending his days sitting at Cas's side, holding his hand gently. Some days he'd tell him stories from before they'd met. Others he'd reminisce their greatest hits. " _Dude, remember when I took you to a whore house? What did you call it? A 'den of iniquity?' Oh, man, that was the best._ " Cas would never reply, never chime in, never react. Until the day he did. 

Dean was telling a story from his childhood, back before his mom died. His dad had been tired from work, and passed Sam to Dean for a moment so he could get more comfortable, telling him " _Don't tell momma. It's just for a second, okay, Deano?_ " Dean had nodded; he liked when he got to hold Sammy because he felt like the grown-ups trusted him. But then Sam spit up on him, getting some of it on his face, and Dean screamed, dropping Sam to the luckily padded floor. Mary had come running to see what the problem was, and instead of getting angry, she burst into laughter at the confused look on John's face, the horror on Dean's and Sam's scrunched up crying one.

Dean started laughing, remembering his mom's tinkling laugh, and suddenly he heard another sound. He heard Castiel laughing quietly. Not wanting to lose the moment like he had a few weeks earlier, Dean just kept laughing, his eyes closed, focusing on the sounds coming from Castiel. When his laughter finally died out, he felt something move in his hand, about to panic before he realized he was holding Castiel's still, and the angel was squeezing them tightly together. Encouraged, Dean looked up at Cas, and Cas nodded briefly before looking back at the wall, his eyes glazing over.

Finally, real progress.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


It was a few more weeks until anything more happened, but it was remarkable when it did. Dean left the room with Meg to call Sam and update him on Castiel's condition. When he returned, he found Cas pacing the floor before he rushed up to Dean. " _I don't have much time, Lucifer is only contained momentarily. Dean, you have to leave, it's useless, I'll never be rid of him completely. I don't want you to waste your life here._ "

Dean froze, slack-jawed. Cas was talking to him, he was _lucid._  " _No way in hell, Cas, I'm not leaving you here. I'm not leaving you again, okay? You fixed things so let me fix you, please. Cas, please._ "

Before he finished speaking, Cas's eyes were glazed over again, and he made his way back to his spot on the bed. Dean sighed, and resolved to double his efforts. Cas had come back to him, if only for a second, and he'd do anything to make it permanent.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


On the seven-month anniversary of Dean checking himself in, he found he had a visitor. Sam was waiting for him in the gardens and he had a look on his face that Dean didn't quite like. After a few moments of stilted conversation, Sam finally blurted out that he wanted Dean to give up, to come home. That hunting wasn't the same without him, that being in that house alone was no fun, that he missed his brother. Dean understood, he did, but he couldn't give up now. Not when they'd come so far.

" _So far? You've gotten literally two minutes worth of reactions from him in an entire seven months, Dean! He's gone and we need to accept it._ "

Dean's fist made contact with Sam's face before he even realized he was swinging, and one of the attendings rushed over to sedate him before he could do any real damage. Sam just watched sadly, and walked away.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


Thirteen months in, it was more than normal to have full conversations with an entirely lucid Castiel.

" _I am not sure how you are doing it, Dean, but the more time you spend with me, the more I am able to differentiate between reality and Lucifer's version of reality._ "

" _I'm glad, man. I'm going to keep doing everything I've been doing until you're completely fixed, all right? I promise, I'm not going to turn my back on you again._ "

" _I appreciate that, Dean._ "

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


Fifteen months, three weeks and two days into Dean's stay at the hospital, he had a sudden epiphany when he woke up and found he wasn't holding Cas's hand. He missed holding Cas's hand in the moments they weren't together. He missed the sound of the angel breathing. He missed the comfort of familiar territory. And when he found himself back in the place he belonged, back with Cas, he felt at home, at peace. He realized he was in love with him. Perhaps he always had been. Cas had always said something about their profound bond. Maybe this was it. Maybe he'd known and he was waiting for Dean to catch up. Regardless, it simply emboldened Dean to try harder to bring Castiel back to reality.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


Three months later, Dean realized what the date was. It was the five year anniversary of the day Castiel pulled him from Hell. Struck by inspiration, he took off his shirt, and lifted Castiel's hand to the print still shining on his shoulder. When the two connected, Castiel sat bolt upright, his eyes wide, bright and questioning.

" _How did you...?_ "

" _I don't know, I just...it's the five year anniversary of the day you gave me that mark. I thought maybe it might be connected to you somehow and it was worth a shot._ "

" _Dean, I cannot feel Lucifer in me. I know he's still here, but he's pushed down so far, I cannot feel him. I...perhaps you've been right all along. Perhaps there is a way to stop him._ "

On an impulse, Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's, keeping the kiss chaste, all lips and pure sweetness. He pulled away after approximately five seconds, and slowly opened his eyes, afraid of Castiel's reaction. Cas, for his part, kept his composure fairly well. He just stared at Dean, but unlike his typical stare these days, his eyes were full of electricity, excitement, and questions.

" _What was...?_ "

" _I love you, Cas. And I don't mean like how I love Sammy. I mean like how I loved Lisa. I love you._ "

Castiel exhaled a shaky breath, his eyes closing slowly. " _I love you, too. I have for a long time now._ "

Dean grinned and kissed Cas again, intending to enjoy as much of his lucidity as he could.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


Twenty-one months to the day after Dean checked himself into the hospital with Castiel, the two of them climbed into the Impala, saying brief awkward goodbyes to Meg. 

" _I really do appreciate your help, Meg._ "

" _Anytime, angel. You too, Deano._ "

" _We'll be sure and get Crowley off your ass, Meg. We owe ya that._ "

They drove off toward Rufus's old place, hoping to surprise Sam, only to find Meg had already called him and he was there with Dean's favorite pie to surprise him instead.

                                                                ___________________________________________________________________

  


Lucifer was never gone completely from Castiel's mind, but whenever he threatened to burst through, Cas would just reach over and hold Dean's hand. Sometimes it was harder, and he'd grip the handprint on the man's shoulder. And other times, regardless of whether Lucifer was trying to make himself known, Castiel would lean in and press his mouth to Dean's briefly. It wasn't a perfect life, his mind wasn't cured and not everything would be better. But it was enough. It was more than enough.


End file.
